How do we share the impact of P.E.T. in a way that is influential and doesn’t just sound like a sales pitch?
I have used an excerpt from a speech that Dr Gordon gave to P.E.T. Instructors that addresses the issue to use as a resource for marketing, website, or promotion.
Qualities Parents Can Nurture in Their Kids Through P.E.T.
Parenting isn’t about moulding kids into perfection — it’s about helping them grow into their best, authentic selves.
The following are the kinds of qualities we can encourage through connection, empathy, and respectful communication.
Positive Qualities to Support in Your Child
Cooperative:
Works well with others without losing their individuality.
Thoughtful:
Considers others’ feelings and perspectives.
Confidently Assertive:
Expresses their needs and boundaries with respect.
Self-assured:
Feels comfortable being themselves and trusts their instincts.
Self-motivated:
Takes initiative and responsibility without needing constant direction.
Honest:Speaks truthfully and communicates openly.
Reliable:
Follows through on promises and responsibilities.
Free-spirited:
Feels free to explore, create, and express themselves.
Genuine:
Shows up as their true self, real, not performative.
Playful and Light-hearted:
Brings curiosity, humor, and joy into life.
Kind and Gentle: Treats others with care, compassion, and empathy.
Self-respecting:
Holds a healthy sense of self-worth without arrogance.
Warm and Loving:
Feels safe expressing affection and forming close bonds.
Compassionate and Caring:
Notices others’ needs and responds with kindness.
A Note to Parents
These qualities don’t come from lectures — they grow in safe, respectful relationships. The way we listen, respond, and lead by example has a powerful impact on our children’s inner lives.
P.E.T. gives us the tools to raise kids who are not just well-behaved, but also well-being.
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Below is the original transcript from Dr Thomas Gordon
“It can be difficult to explain what it’s like to govern a family with the consent of the governed, to share your leadership with all family members rather than act like leadership is the exclusive prerogative of the father or the mother, to relate to your children at the same level rather than from the top of the hierarchy, as in the military.
We can also be more openly assertive about giving parents a vision of a brand-new species of children and youth being created in our democratic families. I’ve met many of these children, and they are truly amazingly different kids:
• Cooperative, not subservient or submissive
• Considerate, not self-centered, and thoughtless
• Assertive, not aggressive, and abrasive
• Self-confident, not fearful or apprehensive
• Self-directing, not dependent, and needing pushing
• Frank, not phony or devious
• Dependable, not unreliable, and irresponsible
• Spontaneous, not inhibited, and controlled
• Natural, not pretentious or on-stage
• Playful, not grim and grave
• Gentle, not violent or punitive
• Self-respectful, not demeaning, and self-effacing
• Affectionate, not cold, remote, or undemonstrative
• Good Samaritans, not uncharitable or uncompassionate
I would add to this list some other characteristics which I can’t describe with a single adjective. They, too, are common to the P.E.T. kids I’ve met over the years:
• They make sure their own needs get met, yet are sensitive when others may be affected negatively.
• They are very sensitive to all forms of unfairness they see in their world.
• They treat their friends the way they have been treated at home – they are good listeners, good counselors, good confronters, and good problem-solvers.
• They are mature for their age, yet strangely childlike, fun-loving, and playful.
• They want their needs met, yet are unselfish, altruistic, and giving to others.
• They have less need of other people – less dependent – yet they have friendships and make friends easily.
• They are less afraid of being laughed at, less afraid of what people will say, less conforming, and more individualistic.
• They are more open to their experiences, their inner feelings, and their thoughts.
• They are relatively unfrightened by the unknown, and they don’t just cling to the familiar.
• They have a high degree of self-acceptance – accepting the way they are, yet this somehow frees them to change and improve themselves.
I don’t think it is an overstatement at all when I say that the P.E.T. families are producing a new species of kids.
We need to give parents a vision of what kind of kids they can develop.”
